Levi and I have been keeping ourselves busy this quarantine time! To be honest, when I caught wind that the world was shutting down for a time, I felt initial relief. As crazy as it sounds, up until shit got really real with this pandemic situation, I was feeling burnt out, exhausted, and unable to do all the things I had dreams of doing. Between my responsibilities at Rythmia, running our household, caring for my sweet baby girl, and also trying to carve out time to take care of me, life had gotten crazy. I was in tears the morning that it was announced that the hotel was closing, but not because of what was happening around the world. I was in tears because I was feeling just not good enough. I didn't know how I could be the mom that could "do it all". You see, I have always been able to do it all. Anything I have sent my mind to. And then, having a child, made everything that much more difficult. My relationship to time shifted. How my energy funnelled, again different. I looked at this stay at home order as my chance to catch up on life.
And then, we moved in and through those first few weeks of isolation at home, and it felt as though I was living in another universe. Not only were we segregating ourselves from the world, our friends, and life as we knew it, but I quickly came to remember how being a stay at home mom fills up every second of the day. All of a sudden, this "found time" that quarantine had gifted us, seemed to dissolve before my eyes. The pulse of each moment as it slipped away, reminded me of all that I was not getting done.
When we began our time at home in March, my little girl Cobie could not crawl. In fact, she did not move in any sort of forward trajectory at all. A few days in, and she was scooting along on her tummy, chasing the dog and anything else she could spot on the floor to explore. Weeks later, her army crawl turned into a crawl, and she was up on her hands and knees moving about the house with ease. Not long after, and she began to pull herself up in the playpen, a milestone that has led to her now cruising along the furniture on her feet, even letting go to stand freely for a moment or two along the way. She's also begun to say "mama" and has nailed down her wave, using that fun trick every time someone enters or leaves the room.
And it is for these things, that I am grateful for our time at home, and it is in these moments when I am with her, seeing her experience these new versions of herself firsthand, that time finally takes a pause. When I am with her, fully with her, there is nowhere else I can possibly be, but in the present. Her presence. And then all of a sudden, I have all the time in world.
I am so appreciative that I have been able to see these advances in her human-ness first-hand. That I have been hOMe, to be her witness. And in the last little while, I have figured out that I can have that same "showing up in time", whenever I need it. I can pause the clock, to get more out of things that I want to be with in life, including my time with Cobie, Levi, and my never-ending to-do list. It is about enjoying the journey, rather than clinging to the completion or outcome. And boy have I been inJOY while creating my latest projects! Not only have I re-vamped this here website and my instagram page, but I have written thousands of words in my book, and packed up our condo in preparation to move into a brand new house this Friday. All the while, Levi and I have created our first children's book, in a series we are calling "Cosmic Cobie"!
Here's the excerpt from the back cover of the book, due to be available for purchase later this month!
Welcome to Cosmic Cobie’s universe! Along with her best pal Lauren the llama, lil’ monster Cobie teaches kids about how to stay connected to their truth; the absolute perfection that they are!
In our first book, “The Eternal Now”, the two cutie-pie creatures explore what it means to stay present and enjoy every moment of life as it happens; including the ups and the downs, and bedtime plus ice cream!
If you haven't already, please check out Cosmic Cobie's new Instagram and Facebook pages, so you are in the know about all things coming!
Thanks for reading today friends. How is your relationship to time these days?